You may not be aware of me right now, but I'd like to introduce myself because you'll know my name soon enough. I'm Austin Mitchell Laves. Right now, I'm about 23 inches long and weighing in at around 12 lbs, but don't you worry. I'm drinking lots of milk, and by the time the 2026 football season rolls around, I will be a force to be reckoned with. I've been practicing daily on tuning my fine motor skills, and I hope to be among one of your full scholarship athlete elites.
Hesitant? Why sure, you should be. My Dad is short, balding, and has the football skills of cookie monster, but I promise; I did not get those genes. My mother, on the other hand, comes from a long line of Swedish Viking warriors. My great-great grandfather was even a very high ranking Swedish naval commander. That's respect; and I promise to demand that same level of respect as my ancestors.
Just to prove my abilities, I have attached my first video scouting report (done by my father). I already have full range of motion in my arms, and my legs have the power of a 3 months old, and I'm only 7 weeks old!!! Also, you can see the respect I have for your superior program, as I already proudly wear burnt orange on a daily basis.
So, don't just circular file this message. Save it. Save me ... don't walk away from this great offer as I could get snatched up by some Pac 10 team, and you and I both know we don't want that!
High Regards,
Austin Mitchell Laves
